I have known from references in books and on television that there is a rather enthusiastic subculture around the world that loves model trains. They buy them. They build landscapes for them. The give up entire basements to construct little worlds for these trains to ride through. What is critical, however is that all of the details, from the fake trees to the miniscule lights must be to scale. That means that there is an entire market for scale items to populate these strange little worlds. 1/87th scale model school buildings. 1/87th scale cars. 1/87th scale barber shop poles and lounging sheep and shopping carts. For the model train enthusiast, creating a realistic model world is key.
This never struck me as anything more than a bit eccentric. Sure, it's strange, but probably no stranger than collecting baseball cards or collecting Civil War paraphernalia if you really think about it. To be honest, I never really gave the model train community much thought.
Until last week.
Last week I learned that these miniature worlds, so focused on maintaining a representative-if-tiny reality, include people. Unlike tractors and trees, people spend approximately 97% of their time doing unflattering things. If you froze reality in the square mile around where you currently sit and made a 1/87th scale model of what each person was doing in that moment, what would you get? Well, you would get at least one person hunched forward looking at a computer screen with their chin in their hand (you). A few people would be sleeping. A couple might be walking or eating. Someone would be in the shower. Some teenager would be alone in his bedroom with a magazine. At least four people would be checking their smart phones. Probably ten are picking their noses. And someone, somewhere, is having sex.
And that brings us back to the world of our model train enthusiasts. That brings us back to the people who design the scale models to satisfy these reality-obsessed hobbyists. That brings us to the shelf of scale figurines in the toy department of a store that I was standing in front of last week in Augsburg, Germany. That brings us to this.
As you can see form Kris's thumb, these models are tiny. As you can see by looking at them, these models are naked. This company, in its pursuit to miniaturize the world, has miniaturized a community of nudists. Some poor factory employee somewhere spends his day with a tiny paint brush of black paint putting pubic hair on these figurines because, somewhere, one of these model train enthusiasts has decided his train happens to be driving by a nude beach.
Yes, there are more mundane models, but even in these the faithfulness to reality is astounding. Take this family outing, with the dog watching the children play in the sand.
Or these bank robbers holding a hostage; it is clear that someone puts a lot of thought into the body language.
Even these wandering street animals aren't just sitting around. No, they are stretching, sniffing, and peeing on things.
The sports fan collection is being notably unruly.
Clearly the person who designed the city-scene collection spent some time in New York. There is a flasher, an old woman hitting someone with a purse, a beggar, and a man urinating in public! No world is complete without public urination.
And then there is this. The lower set can satisfy any of general need for your scale naked people being scale naked in their scale world. But, for certain situations, situations which include two of your scale people being scale naked, well that requires the top package.
I imagine that I don't want to know.
I hope that knowing these models exist has somehow added to your day. If you cannot get these images out of your mind despite trying, I am sorry. Know that you are not alone. Perhaps deal with it by making a blog post and ensuring that the images are burned into the minds of your friends and family as well.
